Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
