im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
