Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
