oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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