you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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