So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
