never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
