Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
