Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
