I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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