I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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