Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
