I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
