He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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