ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
