My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
