i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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