The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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