Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
