It's Friday. Sex?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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