So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
