He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
