he was CRYING into my vagina
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
