I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
