I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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