So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
