i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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