whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
