ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
