On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Couch. On fire.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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