when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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