A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
