sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
