I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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