Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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