God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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