So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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