i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
