i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
