I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
