I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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