dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
