Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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