I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
