I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
