I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
