the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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