We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
