I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
