i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
