I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
