I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
