I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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